Flux
by Obvious Ghost
Summary: Even for him, change isn't always easy. EDITED: No longer one-shot. Multiple chapters in progress.
1. Weak and Weary

HEAVILY EDITED: This story is no longer a oneshot. As such, there's a lot I took out of this opening chapter that will probably make an appearance later.

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He knew he was dreaming. That only seemed to make it worse.

Every time his parents died, it was different. He might be far away, unable to help, or right beside them, completely frozen, watching their eyes slide shut or their hands vanish below the waves.

They weren't memories, exactly.

Sometimes it was specific. They were standing together at the glass windows of the Tower, but when he tried to run towards them, they fell. The black tides of the bay, rolling and raging in the storm, would suddenly rise up to swallow them, tearing them away from him.

Other times, it was simple. A white, blank space, full of nothing but his parents and their smiles, their faces, their selves- But water would flood his vision from every direction, and they gradually faded, and it was all so _quiet_ and _slow_ but he couldn't do anything to stop it-

Waking up was no better. There was no violent jerk or shudder to pull him into the waking world, but it still hurt. This time, his eyes snapped open, and even though he didn't sit upright or gasp, he could feel his heart racing. He tried to breathe deeply, to just slow it all down, but something was wrong. This unease, the adrenaline- it was just like he felt before a battle.

A sharp pain speared through his left arm, and wincing, he clutched it to his side. The transformations only hurt if he wasn't in control.

_But I'm not. I can't control anything._

The arm slammed against the bed, now covered in thick fur, and he cried out as the limb suddenly shifted back to normal. The light in the room changed drastically, becoming brighter and colorless- he shook his head, panting, trying to return his vision to normal.

A thin tail shot out behind him, but immediately vanished. His hand painfully bent sideways before crooked feathers appeared along his forearm. He was calling out, but his voice was wrong. Something between a growl and a shrill, keening cry escaped his mouth, where teeth were beginning to stretch into fangs.

"B?"

The voice jolted him, and trembling, he fell off the bed, crashing to the floor with a dull noise. "Beast Boy, you okay?"

Briefly drawing up to his knees, he cried out and collapsed again. Exhaustion flooded him, and he hissed, trying desperately to reverse the changes, face pressed against the floor.

The door opened. "What the-" Cyborg was at his side in an instant, pulling him up and holding him at arm's length. "What's wrong, man?!"

Beast Boy looked up. "It's- I just-" He could feel his eyes dilating again, and he squeezed them shut, sobbing from the pain.

Arms were holding him close, almost crushing him. He buried his head in his friend's shoulder, trying to get the words out. "It's okay, alright?"

He tensed, freezing as his right hand convulsed and gashed claw marks on Cyborg's armor. "I'm not- dude, I can't-"

Cyborg shook his head. "It's alright, man. S'alright."

"No!" Beast Boy growled, then shoved him away. Taken by surprise, Cyborg stumbled back, falling against the wall.

"...Beast Boy." Robin's voice was controlled, but angry. Through his distorted vision, Beast Boy could see him standing in the doorway. Raven was beside him, expression completely neutral. Starfire floated in gently, gasping when she caught sight of him.

He froze. All the emotion, all the fear suddenly left him. The mutations slowly changed back, and he was left crouching lightly on his hands and feet, as if he was preparing to leap forward. To attack.

He was trembling now, breathing heavily, glancing at each of his friends. The mask made Robin as unreadable as ever. Cyborg was wincing in pain and gingerly lifting himself off the ground. Starfire seemed about to cry, hands pressed against her mouth. And Raven-

In her eyes, was it pity? Disgust? Fear? She was just... _looking_ at him. Her hood was down, but he still couldn't tell.

"What happened." Robin didn't say it like a question.

That's when it hit him. They had seen it all- the episode, or whatever it had been- and they'd seen him break down. He'd nearly lost control completely, and had even hurt his best friend.

Beast Boy tried to answer, but the shame was constricting him, pulling at his chest. It hurt.


	2. Grave and Stern

"Thought I might find you up here."

Beast Boy didn't say anything. He was standing near the edge, looking out over the city. Robin quietly stepped across the rooftop. "They're pretty worried, you know."

"Yeah." He rubbed his eyes.

Robin's voice took on a lighter tone. "Wasn't easy convincing them to go back to their rooms last night."

"Good thing you're a hero, then," Beast Boy snapped, but he knew his anger was irrational. _What's wrong with me?_

Robin was silent. Then, he tilted his head back, facing the dim morning sky. "I'm not asking you to explain it. I only need to know how this will affect the team."

He scowled. "Don't really wanna talk about it, dude."

"Tough. You _attacked_ him, Beast Boy."

Shaking his head violently, he closed his eyes. "No, I- I didn't. I just pushed him."

"Exactly." Robin stepped up next to him. "He's heavy. You shouldn't have been that strong." He shrugged. "The Beast, on the other hand..."

Beast Boy turned, but Robin was just looking straight ahead. His cape stirred with the breeze. "This is different," Beast Boy said.

"I know. I've never seen you with more than one change before." Robin sighed. "This isn't good."

Fear brushed against his mind. Something told him to run, like an animal before a hunter. Beast Boy fought it down. "What are you saying?" he asked carefully.

Robin didn't face him. "I need to keep this team safe, Beast Boy."

A scene jumped into his memory. He was in a tall chair, with metal bracelets anchoring his arms in place. Robin, staring down at him. Demanding. Accusing. And then-

"We've been over this," he said in a low voice.

"You said it yourself. This is different."

He opened his mouth, but Robin interrupted. "Look. Can you tell me, right now, that you know how to handle this? Without any doubt?"

_No_, he thought. It had come out of nowhere- first the dream, and then the change was suddenly fighting, straining to cycle through a dozen animals at once. And he still didn't know why.

Hearing his silence, Robin frowned. "Do you know how it started?"

"No, but-"

"Will it happen again?"

He gritted his teeth. "I don't know."

"Will it interfere with missions?"

"_I don't know, alright?_" Beast Boy yelled. "I don't know, and I'm sick of worrying about it! So just _leave me alone!_"A startled pigeon sprang away from the roof's edge, soaring over the bay.

Robin kept his voice level. "Beast Boy, you know we can't do that. You need our help, and maybe- _maybe_- we can figure this out." He faced his friend, completely unmoved by the outburst. "At least try to talk to them. After yesterday, you owe them that much."

He couldn't find the words to argue. Mind racing, he stared at the waves below as they gently rolled onto the island's shore.

Beside him, Robin turned back to the city. The early sunlight was starting to glint off the buildings in the distance. "One more thing," he said slowly. "We're going to upgrade your training schedule. Every morning, be up here at six."

Beast Boy looked up in shock. "You're kidding."

"If you want to improve your self-control, it starts with discipline. If you're slipping, we have to correct it." Robin crossed his arms. "Simple."

"No, it's not." Glaring, Beast Boy stepped forward so he was directly under the older boy's chin. "You think it's gonna be that easy, dude? You'll just snap your fingers, I run a few laps, and suddenly everything's fine?"

Robin returned the black look without flinching. "Of course not." Beast Boy waited for him to defend himself, but he simply turned and headed back. "Six. Don't be late."

The anger rose again, and he shouted at Robin's back. "You're crazy, dude! You're not gonna be the one to fix all this! You can't solve everything!"

He stopped, but didn't turn around. "I'm the leader, Beast Boy."

"So?"

"So," Robin said over his shoulder, "That means I'm whatever this team needs me to be. And right now, I have to help you. That's all there is to it."

He scoffed. "You know, you're starting to sound a lot like B-"

"I know."


End file.
